THE DAY INNOCENCE DIED

In July 2011 we were on holiday in Bulgaria with several family members and friends. They came and went, and life was carefree, happy and relaxing - as it should be in the sun and the heat. In the afternoon of the 22nd July some of us were dozing around the pool, some swimming - when my husband, who'd been in the flat, came hurrying towards us with a phone message from Sophie, who was still at home and expected to come out to Bulgaria the following week. "There's been a bomb attack in the centre of Oslo!"

Later that afternoon some of us went sightseeing in the neighbouring town, but as text messages came ticking in, from my sister, from Sophie, from Johanne - who'd left Bulgaria the previous day with the little girls - saying that they, fortunately, were all okay - we were unable to concentrate on anything other than getting back to our holiday resort to try to find some news channels to follow for more information. We had heard that there was shooting on the island of Utøya, in addition to the bombing in Oslo.

Utøya August 2011

Utøya 3rd March 2013

When Grete and I stopped the car across from Utøya late yesterday afternoon on the way back from our weekend at the lakeside cabin, a lot of emotions and memories resurfaced. The Oslo bombing and the Utøya massacre have traumatised our country forever. It will be part of our history. We will never forget. But it must not happen again.

It was strange to be in a holiday bubble so far away from home when our whole nation was grieving. My sister told me of total silence, when she took the boat into the small, usually very lively Norwegian seaside town where she was on holiday with her family. All flags along the coast on half mast, no laughter, no smiles, only subdued talk. The eight of us in Bulgaria - my brother's family included - sat together in one of the holiday flats all day Saturday 23rd July, switching between TV-channels. I was the first to leave the flat, at about 4 in the afternoon - completely devastated and in need of a break - and I walked out into bright sunshine, laughter, swimming pool noises and splashing - happy people having fun. I wanted to scream at the top of my voice to all of them: "SHUT UP! BE QUIET! My country has lost its innocence..."

Julie and I went into Oslo city centre, to the Cathedral, the day after we got back from Bulgaria, on August 4. Oh, it was sad, sad, sad. It was heart wrenching. At the same time - it was beautiful. The rain crying on the thousands and thousands of flowers, candles, teddybears, messages and drawings. We lit candles inside the Cathedral.

Some days later Johanne and I took Jelena and her friend Amanda with us and drove to Utøya. We'd bought pink roses, which the girls lay down on the land side, pointing them towards the island. They made a heart of berries. They spent a long time decorating - doing and redoing things. This was so important for the girls. All in all it was important to do what children wanted in that state of emergency our nation was going through.

When the tragedy was a fact, we said to each other that we were bound to know someone who had been killed. Or know someone who knew someone. Of course we did. That's how small Norway is.