HIM & ME = US

My husband's tumour results finally came through, and we are once again struck to the ground. Malignant it was - so chemotherapy and radiation it is, for weeks and weeks to come. Six weeks on, four weeks off, six weeks on, four weeks off - this'll be our routine in the near future and what will dominate our lives. And then there's the future which lies a little further ahead - well, no one knows. Uncertain prognosis, depending on how he reacts to and absorbs the treatments. But many cancer patients have been known to outlive dire predictions, and my man is strong.

So if my blog happens to revolve a little around my husband, his illness and his progress in the months to come, so be it. There's no way I'm going to be able to avoid this subject, I'm afraid. Not that I want to either - it's all I can concentrate on at the moment, and it's therapy for me both to talk about it and write about it.

Yes, my life has truly changed, in just a few weeks. Turned upside down, in fact. At the moment I'm probably more or less in shock, I think - not allowing myself to break down, not now. Not yet. There's a time for everything, and for me the time to break is not here and now - there'll be plenty of time for that later. The focus now is on optimism, positivity, hope and strength. This is the way it has to be. The darkness and despair might be bubbling just beneath the surface, but it's important for me that it stays there for the time being.

It's also very important for me - and my husband - that we try to live our lives as normally as possible, because that's who we are. We are both quite easygoing people, without huge ups and downs in our everyday lives - we talk and discuss (sometimes fight a little), joke and laugh. We don't ride that emotional roller coaster too often, and this of course is also a result of a thirty-two year long relationship. Two initially very different and strong individuals have contended, cooperated and cohabited for ages and experienced that not only do grudges and discontent rub off after a while - they also soften and fade and become less and less significant. Add to this mix a huge amount of mutual respect. And fundamental love.

There we are. This is us.