Perhaps it's only human to measure things up against others. We start when we're very young: "I have more toys than you do! More sweets! My house is bigger than yours!" Later: "My parents have more money than your parents!" Adults (men): "My car is bigger and faster than yours!"
I remember vividly being back in Oslo in 1959, after a one-year stay in New York, where my father had been working. I was only four, and I can hear you say now that one doesn't have memories from that age, but believe me, I do! Because what happened was terrifying!
Having been an only child "over there" - my brother was by 1959 just in my mother's womb - I'd been thoroughly spoilt by gifts of toys that hadn't even found their way yet to European stores. I have memories of fashionable paper dolls, colourful plastic figures (I even swallowed one - won't go into details on that one…), cuddly soft animals. And not just toys - there were movie theatres showing "Sleeping Beauty," circus in Madison Square Garden, Burl Ives on children's morning television - when Norway didn't even have TV yet! Pretzels and pizza from street vendours, beautiful princess-like tulle skirts that I wore to birthday parties in Brooklyn.
With parents in Brooklyn 1958
Oh yes, I was spoilt, but also very well brought up. Sitting in the backyard of our Brooklyn brownstone one afternoon with my mother we were having cookies and she was drinking coffee. I was overly interested in the cookies, but she told me to wait until she said "It's all right, sweetheart - you can have one." "Thank you," I said. The following day our doorbell rang, and it was our Scottish neighbour from upstairs. Holding in her arms a HUGE cuddly toy panda! My eyes were the same size as Panda's! She said, "This is for you, Kjersti, for being so polite and and sweet, and for your mother for teaching you this. You remind me of the children back home." She had been watching the two of us in the backyard from her balcony.
I have kept Panda to this day - I'm NEVER going to throw him out - but the whole story has another side to it too: Scottish neighbour Mary claimed American children never said "thank you" or "please," when offered something, just "okay!" and "sure!" I don't remember anything about that - I was only four and ignorantly happy with my unexpected politeness reward!
So where does the terrifying bit come in?
Back in Norway in '59, with my toys, with my foreign country experiences at an age where that was very unusual. I was only five years old and already I was discovering what this was all about.
The neighbour girl, one year older than me, came over to our flat to play. Before I knew it she had messed up my room completely (okay, I was probably party to that), broken some plastic toys, tried on all my clothes. But the worst! Oh, the worst! The terrifying part! She pulled out the red tongues of all my cuddly animals!! And some eyes, but mainly the sweet hungry felt-tongues! ("Ooops, his tongue came out! Oops! So did this one! And another one")!
I can still remember sitting in my bed devastated, with my pajamas and a matching night cap on (another unnecessary American invention) and looking out across the mayhem of my bedroom - broken toys everywhere - and my Mum's hands-on-hips attitude at the bedroom door (she was perfect at that). She said one word: "Envy."
So yes. I learned about envy the hard way that day. Cutting out tongues! I learned about how you shouldn't possess more than anyone else, and at least never flaunt it! My most important lesson though, was that my parents were never envious of anybody or anything. But they recognised it, being adventurous pioneers in so many ways and meeting people who disliked just that.
The opposite of envy is being happy for people when they achieve something. Which again means not begrudging them.
With my hand on my heart I have never seen envy in my parents, and with the same hand on the same heart I can say that it's never been an issue for me either. Those sweet red cuddly animal tongues - only lapping up affection - did it for me.
I met and married a man who never did envy. Or jealousy. How lucky we were! Or how well brought up. His parents were the same.
We try to teach our children well. Sometimes we succeed.
And my Mum sewed on all the tongues again.
Mira spending the night at my house! Always love having her.
I'm amazed at how my mind works. Or perhaps it's my pen (read keyboard). This blogpost started out as something completely different. But became something else.
