CHRISTMAS

2013 is drawing to a close. I started my blog on January 10 - so nearly a year of blogging now, through good days and bad days. If I'd known at the beginning of the year how 2013 was going to end, I would probably have given up everything there and then. But when tragedy strikes you, there's an incredible realisation of actually finding strength from within yourself, from the support of friends and family, even from cultural and visual experiences. But I must say that on rereading the above poem written last Christmas I'm overwhelmed by the relevancy and the poignancy it bears for me now - one year later.

On the 22nd December we prepared our house for a dinner party. My husband's childhood friends and their wives have a thirty-seven year old tradition of getting together on this particular date, and it strikes me that this was started while they were all still childless, or unmarried, or were invited to their parents' house for Christmas dinner! You're busy enough on this day of running up to the festive days, if you shouldn't have to throw huge parties as well! But our day for arranging the party only comes around every 8th year, as it alternates between the friends.

Before the party

After the party

It turned out a great success, not least because our three daughters worked like professionals in the kitchen - dishing out food, serving, tidying and cleaning - until the very end. I couldn't have made it without them! I realised too what a team my husband and I usually are when we put on something like this, we pull together to make the evening enjoyable for everyone. This year, alas, it was a big enough effort for him just to participate and join us at the table. But he did it! Until 1 a.m!

Christmas tree bugs displayed on the TV screen

Reading some years ago about all the creepy crawlers that make their way out of the Christmas trees once they're placed inside heated houses, the decision was made then to buy an everlasting tree made of what? It's not plastic, it's not material, it's well…. something that resembles a real tree. I love it! I simply drag it out of the store room, unfold it and decorate it.

"Green" Christmas in Oslo this year

At Christmas we always visit the graves of our loved ones. My husband's family grave, then my father's nearby in the same cemetery, and finally my aunt and uncle's grave - they both passed in 2000, one in June, the other in December. The bond between them was remarkably close, both in life and in death. We light candles, we decorate with wreaths, we take some minutes to reflect and reminisce. I like to go at dusk - in the "Blue Hour" - because the candles from all the other graves show up so beautifully. Strangely enough I find peace walking in graveyards, and I've been known to ask my Dad for advice there!

Finally I have my daughter Julie home again! It's lovely, and the three sisters have been spending a lot of time at home with their Dad. He's delighted, but wishes he was in better shape. Even now, more than a week after the final termination of radiotherapy and the four-week break from chemo - he is still very marked by them. Nausea, tiredness, loss of appetite, in a poor general condition. We honestly thought this would improve more quickly than it seems to be doing. Setting our hopes too high, probably.

I think Christmas has been a bit difficult. It's supposed to be a time for good cheer and uplifted spirits, instead I've kept wondering where we'll be this time next year… My strong optimism sometimes gets overtaken by melancholy and despair. But I understand that this is the way it has to be, for many days to come. These alternating emotions will be a huge part of our lives in 2014.

Three sisters - celebrating Christmas on the 24th December, the Scandinavian way

Granddaughters making gingerbread men before Christmas

Cousins Julie and Even reunited at my sister's Christmas party on Boxing Day